Antinous, Aged 17

Though others find me easy to love,
it is not mutual. Anyway I’m not sure

how to love: too distant and reserved.
Dripping wet. Where’s my towel?

The little kids line up for the next race
crowding the cement pool deck.

I’m wearing my new swimsuit which
I have to admit excites me a little, my cock

uncorking against the slick nylon tightening now
as it dries in the sun leaving deep red marks

on each hip, the tie tied tight to keep me from losing it
on the racing dive. In a refusal of belonging,

I don’t wear the team suit. They think
I’m fanciful, suspect and I’m too pale for tan lines.

They push aside their darker perceptions. I don’t yet
understand the power of all this, can’t rise above

can only escape as soon as possible to life in a distant city
where I won’t be crowded out, shot off the block by the referee.

Hadrian, Age 11

Behind the blocks
at a local pool, during
a summer club meet
is where it all began.
Like one drop of dye
seeing Antinous changed
everything. Just finished
with his race, breathing hard.
I saw him and saw him
seeing me see him. Rising up
behind him were the heroics
of the Rocky Mountains
the Continental Divide
so close it was traceable
with my fingertip.
Still wet red hair
a crackled glaze
on pale-as-marble skin.
Baptized in the same water
I was able to convince
my mother to drive me
to the store to buy
a swimming suit to
match his: the one he wore
that day to bring
him near me, hold him
as sweetly and as close
as I could.
Thus, my plot began
to take over the empire
make him mine.